CYRANO

A clumsy heckler calls Cyrano's nose "very big." Cyrano answers by showing him how it should have been done — a dazzling catalogue of the wittier insults he might have made.

1:18Comedic30s–40sAdvanced

The speech180 words · 3 beats

0:00 / 1:18

Off-book

Descriptive: ''Tis a rock! a peak! a cape! A cape, forsooth! 'Tis a peninsular!' Dramatic: 'When it bleeds, what a Red Sea!' Admiring: 'Sign for a perfumery!' Rustic: 'That thing a nose? Marry-come-up! 'Tis a dwarf pumpkin, or a prize turnip!' Military: 'Point against cavalry!'

Such, my dear sir, is what you might have said, had you of wit or letters the least jot: but, O most lamentable man! Of wit you never had an atom, and of letters you have three letters only — they spell Ass! And, had you had the necessary wit to serve me all the pleasantries I quote, you would not have been let to utter one. I take them from myself all in good part, but not from any other man that breathes!turn

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Speaking to: A viscount who has just mocked him, and the crowd watching.
What just happened: In a crowded theatre, a foppish viscount tries to insult Cyrano's nose and manages only "it is very big." Cyrano seizes the opening.
Objective: To turn humiliation into a triumph — to prove that only he is allowed to mock his own nose, by mocking it better than anyone alive.
The turn: The virtuoso comedy snaps shut into a blade — "I take them from myself all in good part, But not from any other man that breathes!"
Watch out for: Verse, speed, and comic invention that must never look pleased with itself. Under the fireworks is a wounded man protecting the one thing he cannot bear to be pitied for.

Full work: Cyrano de Bergerac New to the vocabulary? What’s a beat? →

CYRANO

Cyrano de Bergerac · Edmond Rostand · 1:18 · 180 words

Ah no! young blade! That was a trifle short! You might have said at least a hundred things by varying the tone. Aggressive: 'Sir, if I had such a nose I'd amputate it!' Friendly: 'When you sup it must annoy you, dipping in your cup; you need a drinking-bowl of special shape!' Descriptive: ''Tis a rock! a peak! a cape! A cape, forsooth! 'Tis a peninsular!' Dramatic: 'When it bleeds, what a Red Sea!' Admiring: 'Sign for a perfumery!' Rustic: 'That thing a nose? Marry-come-up! 'Tis a dwarf pumpkin, or a prize turnip!' Military: 'Point against cavalry!' Such, my dear sir, is what you might have said, had you of wit or letters the least jot: but, O most lamentable man! Of wit you never had an atom, and of letters you have three letters only — they spell Ass! And, had you had the necessary wit to serve me all the pleasantries I quote, you would not have been let to utter one. I take them from myself all in good part, but not from any other man that breathes!

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