THE BASTARD

A sharp-tongued illegitimate son watches two kings abandon a righteous war for a cash-and-marriage deal, and dissects the hypocrisy with a grin. Then he admits he'd sell out too, given the offer.

1:20Comic-dramatic20s–30sAdvanced

The speech134 words · 4 beats

0:00 / 1:20

Off-book

That smooth-faced gentleman, tickling Commodity, Commodity, the bias of the world, The world, who of itself is peised well, Made to run even upon even ground, Till this advantage, this vile-drawing bias, This sway of motion, this Commodity, Makes it take head from all indifferency.

And why rail I on this Commodity? But for because he hath not woo'd me yet: Not that I have the power to clutch my hand, When his fair angels would salute my palm.turn

Well, whiles I am a beggar, I will rail And say there is no sin but to be rich; And being rich, my virtue then shall be To say there is no vice but beggary. Since kings break faith upon commodity, Gain, be my lord, for I will worship thee!

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Speaking to: The audience, addressed as fellow cynics.
What just happened: The kings of England and France, sworn enemies moments ago, have just made peace over a marriage and a dowry, betraying the cause they claimed was sacred. The Bastard stays behind to name what he saw.
Objective: To expose self-interest as the only real god men serve, and then indict himself with it.
The turn: 'And why rail I on this Commodity? / But for because he hath not woo'd me yet' — the moralist confesses he only objects to the bribe he hasn't been offered.
Watch out for: The trap is playing it as straight satire. The Bastard is delighted by the corruption he describes; the wit is affectionate. The final self-indictment must land as a wink, not a sermon. Keep the antithesis crisp.

Full work: King John New to the vocabulary? What’s a beat? →

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CONSTANCE0:38A mother whose son has been taken hostage in a political settlement she had no part in.

THE BASTARD

King John · William Shakespeare · 1:20 · 134 words

Mad world! mad kings! mad composition! John, to stop Arthur's title in the whole, Hath willingly departed with a part: And France, whose armour conscience buckled on, Whom zeal and charity brought to the field As God's own soldier, rounded in the ear With that same purpose-changer, that sly devil. That smooth-faced gentleman, tickling Commodity, Commodity, the bias of the world, The world, who of itself is peised well, Made to run even upon even ground, Till this advantage, this vile-drawing bias, This sway of motion, this Commodity, Makes it take head from all indifferency. And why rail I on this Commodity? But for because he hath not woo'd me yet: Not that I have the power to clutch my hand, When his fair angels would salute my palm. Well, whiles I am a beggar, I will rail And say there is no sin but to be rich; And being rich, my virtue then shall be To say there is no vice but beggary. Since kings break faith upon commodity, Gain, be my lord, for I will worship thee!

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